But today's not Monday, and sadness doesn't scare me...
These words (in another language) came up from my car's radio. The song sounded sad and melancholic. I had never heard that song. I think I had never heard that voice. A man's voice, probably a young boy, was singing those words with such a sorrow in his intonation that it really touched something inside me.
In that precise moment, I was driving through the street where my ex-boyfriend has a garage. How many memories came to me! We lived in that garage, years ago, for some months. It was funny until winter came and it was too cold to stay there, and we found a flat for rent which we could afford.
I suppose that I was happy there. Those months, more than seven years ago, were happy and easy. Many times I've driven through that street, but the door is always closed. But it was open then, so I knew he was inside. He's the only one who's got the key. I had one, before. I had things in that garage. I guess he might have thrown them away since I'm gone.
I don't know how to describe my feelings. I don't miss him. I feel sorry for many things, but I don't miss him. I was just suddenly touched by that song, and that door that I hadn't seen open for months. I knew he was there. He didn't know I was there. I felt guilty someway. Again. Just for a change, you know.
I should learn how to talk to people. I should learn to say the right things, in the right moment. I should learn to use words. I should learn not to be afraid of words.
Words can hurt. Words in the air, words that come to your ears, words that go out from your mouth. Words can hurt.
Unsaid words can also hurt. Words kept inside. Silent words. Words that appear on dreams. Dreams of Words. Words that I've said, sometimes, when nobody can hear them. Words I've wishpered softly, just moving my lips, closing my eyes, secretly, because I know they would slowly kill me if I didn't let them go.
Words can hurt. A song can hurt, and can heal.
But today, my friend in the radio, is Monday. And sadness does scare me...
