Clean water for goldie Gilbert.
Few weeks ago, at last, I finally got internet at home. One of the first programs I installed was Skype. It's really nice and strange. And one of the first things I saw on Skype was Gilbert. Gilbert is my wee Scottish boy's golden fish. He had put clean water in the fishtank and showed it to me through the webcam.
Gilbert is a happy guy. He doesn't really care if the water is clean or not. He doesn't even care if he has no food for days. He seems to resist everything. He's always happy. I'd like to be always happy, just as Gilbert.
I'm a bit soft lately, and I feel like crying many times. I can't explain why. I almost cried some days ago watching a f** Coca-cola advert on tv. Well, that's not true. I actually did. And I've cried watching some films, and listening to some songs. I feel very sensitive. I can be extremely happy and suddenly feel deeply sad, inexplicably.
I should phone my ex-boyfriend someday, to know if he's ok, and to apologize for the way I left. I've been saying that to myself for months, and I never find the right moment to do it. I guess I'll never find it. The truth is I'm afraid of what he could tell me. He might know by now that I'm going out with someone else. I think I'm afraid he could ask me something about it. I couldn't lie to him. And I can't be bothered explaing anything.
But I don't know why I feel sad sometimes. It's not only because of that, of course. I guess it's something natural and inherent in me. Yes, I think there's a mental illness called manic-depressive, that fits very much with my feelings sometimes. My ex-boyfriend sometimes told me I should visit a psychologist, but I think it's not that bad. I also have my little ways, my little peculiarities...
(my blue eyes says he likes them)
...I've learnt to live with them, because they're harmless. But I guess all that turns me into a bit weird person. Or not. I think everybody's weird somehow. Normality doesn't exist.
But man, I only want to feel happy. Like Gilbert with his clean water.
